- There was a time when you and your partner had one of those long, deep conversations. Now whenever you want to talk, there is hardly a discussion going on their end.
- Going out together has become less frequent. Sometimes work or other issues outside the relationship gets in the way of having that one on one time together but if you constantly have to reschedule with a date more times than you can count and no little effort is done on the partner’s part to spend some time with you, this a red flag. Nothing hurts the most than feeling unwanted and if this is his or her hint for you to leave them alone, might as well kiss this relationship goodbye.
- Intimacy is one of the most important aspect in a relationships two people express their love for one another. If nothing going on inside the bedroom or you have demand even a simple kiss something isn’t right. The partner either lost interests in you or working their magic with someone else.
- Whenever you call, the response on the other end doesn’t sound too happy. In fact they might seem rather annoyed and prefer not to be bothered by you.
- Your minor flaws become major ones and your partner does everything can to work them against you.
Getting married in the summertime certainly has some modern practical and logistical advantages. Warm weather; sparkling sand and sunny skies at the beach, or a serene forest setting beneath a canopy of natural green, or perhaps a starry night under the stars with a romantic orchestra playing in the background–all offer unparalleled backdrops for al fresco ceremonies.
In the summer, workloads tend to be lighter and time off work is generally easier to take. Seasonal flowers for bridal décor abound. Families whose kids are out of school are able to attend nuptial events that they might otherwise be forced to miss. All of these things help in planning and pulling off a summertime wedding, but the tradition goes back to earlier times, when different conventions and concerns ruled the day.
By Juno & Jupiter
In ancient Rome, the Goddess charged with the responsibility for the well-being of brides and mothers was Juno, for whom the month of June is named. Juno’s consort was Jupiter, king of the Roman gods (who was both her brother and her husband…ick!). In order to seek the favor of this powerful pair, many brides and their prospective grooms chose wedding dates to honor the month named for Juno–but even for Romans, not every date in June was an auspicious one for marriage.
Where a wedding fell on the calendar was serious business back then, and many superstitious Romans believed that getting it right could mean the difference between a prosperous, happy marriage that resulted in many children (which was pretty much the entire point of the institution in those days), or a bleak, barren union between two ill-starred souls. In fact, the Romans were so firmly convinced that getting hitched on the wrong date could spell disaster, the upper class often consulted psychic oracles who would divine the most fortuitous day for a couple to wed, not by reading tea leaves, but rather, by interpreting the designs found in the entrails of pigs and other sacrificial animals (again…ick!) This practice, known as haruspicy, was only one of many forms of divination practiced by the Romans, but this was one closely associated with marriage and fertility. (1)
Specific days, considered unlucky for marriage, were avoided as a matter of course: The “Kalends,” which signified the first day of the month and the new moon; the “Ides,” which fell on the full moon, and the “Nones,” which fell in the center of the other two, were all considered inappropriate for weddings.
The Romans had other superstitions and customs that resulted in traditions that have come down through the ages and are still practiced today. At Roman weddings, for instance, bridesmaids were required to wear matching gowns that so closely resembled that of the bride as to make her indistinguishable to any evil spirits that might have the nerve to show up uninvited with the intention of putting a curse on the happy couple (usually as payback for some transgression the bride or groom had committed to offend one of the gods or demigods who (often on a whim) felt slighted by whatever human behavior, intentional or unintentional, they might find irksome on any given day).
Another nuptial tradition that traces back to ancient Rome is the wedding cake. Unlike the elaborately decorated confections we’ve come to know today, early Roman wedding cake was more like a wheat or barley bread, and rather than eating it, the cake was crumbled over the bride’s head to augur fertility and good fortune. The newlyweds gobbled up some of the crumbs in a custom known as “confarreatio,” which translates to “eating together,” their first act as a married couple. The wedding guests then descended like a flock of hungry birds to gobble up the rest of the crumbs, conferring good luck on them as well.
Have you ever wondered where the word “bridal” comes from? Well, as the custom of eating crumbled wedding cake crumbs spread throughout Europe, someone in what is now England figured out that it would be handy–and tasty–to have something to wash the dry crumbs down with. An ale, brewed specially for these occasions, known as bryd ealu, a.k.a., “bride’s ale,” was born.
Eventually the cake evolved into something sweeter, but it was still crumbled over the head of the bride, and the guests were given handfuls of “confetto,” a mixture of nuts, dried fruit, and honeyed almonds, some of which was consumed, and the rest, pitched at the bride, again as a symbol of fertility. This “confetto” custom has evolved into the post-ceremony rice toss we’re familiar with today, and is just one of the many wedding day traditions we have the Romans to thank for.
Summer weddings, bridesmaid dresses, cakes and confetti–the Romans certainly paved the way for some wonderful wedding celebrations. Whether you’re getting married or just enjoying a summer fling, let this summer of love be the best yet!
Planning to get hitched and want to scope out an auspicious date for your big day? Let a KEEN advisor be your oracle on all things wedding related.
Are the expectations you have in a relationship really yours, or are they an accumulation of what you’ve read or have been taught? Have you accepted the idea that, this is the way it should be? What you want in a relationship and what you have could very well be causing an inner conflict. You may be looking at your partner and saying, “Whoa, wait a minute! He should be doing such and such” … butwho determined what he should be doing?
There are scads of books available today about fixing relationships, how to catch the perfect man, why men love bitches, how to behave in a relationship, whether or not he’s just not that into you, how to tell if he is into you, that men are from Mars … well, you get the idea, and the list is endless. Point is, are you deriving what a relationship should be based on what Oprah, Dr. Phil, countless books and talk show hosts have to tell you? Or, are you allowing the person with whom you’re in a relationship to be who he or she is and learn to adjust your perspectives?
Granted, certain behaviors are disrespectful, and no one that I know of wakes up in the morning with an enthusiastic, “Oh, yippee, I sure hope I get treated like scum today!” Mutual respect in a relationship is paramount to make a partnership work.
What I have discovered is that we all have an ideal in the corner of our mind of what our interaction with our loved one “should” be. Whether this is derived from watching, Leave It to Beaver (June as the perfect wife in her pearls) or Married with Children (Al secretly loves Kate, but is very degrading to her) – or, as mentioned above, from the books and famous people that tell us what we should expect. If your relationship is falling short of the commandments that dictate the shoulds and should nots, are you expecting it to change? Better yet, can you discard what the powerful “they” say, and just learn to adjust to what your relationship is instead of what you think it should be?
More disagreements and squabbles between two people are born out of what others dictate to us; someone else who doesn’t have a clue about who you are or who your significant other is, insists on telling you that this is the way you should behave, resolve issues, and live happily ever after.
Happily ever after only comes in books. Relationships are a continual work in progress, keeping your ego in check, accepting certain things, and learning to choose your battles. Leaving the cap off the toothpaste isn’t a battle worth the effort. Not telling you where he’s going when he suddenly decides to go out for the evening- that one is worth the pursuit.
To genuinely allow your relationship to work, you have to get into a space where you allow each other to simply be the person he or she is. No one needs “fixing.” Perceptions can be shifted. Behaviors can be altered. The key is to make sure that it’s what you want, and not what you’ve been told!
- Inspiration is a skill needed for relationship management. This skill focuses on using other people’s wisdom in situations, as well as the ability to connect with people emotionally. When a person has a vision, this quality relies on understanding the entire purpose of the mission. This skill also includes involving others in the vision and listening to their opinions and thoughts.
- The skill of influence is vital in relationship management. This skill is learned and acquired by listening to other people, making others feel important and making them feel like their opinions are valuable. This strategy allows people to influence others by making the person speaking feel significant.
- Another important skill for relationship management is developing others. Developing others focuses on acknowledging people’s accomplishments and strong points, then offering feedback to them. This skill is important because it helps the growth of businesses. Employees who feel valuable and appreciated are likely to accomplish more.
- Initiating change is a skill that is used for recognizing change is needed. This skill challenges the status quo and makes compelling, logical arguments when change is needed. Change is vital in growing businesses; businesses must be willing to accept change and proceed with it. People with good relationship management skills look for ways to overcome the barriers that stop change.
- Relationship management skills include the ability to manage conflict in a constructive way. People with this skill are able to accept different perspectives, and they demonstrate self-control and respect for everyone. People with this skill are able to deal with difficult people and situations and look for solutions that everyone can accept.
- People with effective relationship management skills emphasize the importance of teamwork. Teams that work well together result in higher performance and productivity levels. Encouraging teamwork includes building and promoting strong teams that communicate and work well together. It also includes encouraging participation from all members and rewarding teams for good work.
- Talk over the phone at least once a day. It’s important that while you are far apart you are still very much a part of one another’s daily routine. If you can talk twice — say in the morning and before bed — that is even better. Even if you are busy and don’t have a lot of time, make an effort to have at least a short conversation or make a plan to talk at the same time every day.
- Plan video dates once or twice a week. Most computers today come equipped with webcams that allow for you to converse and see a person far away. If you don’t have a webcam you can find them at most electronic stores. Share a glass of wine with each other over the webcam, have dinner at your computers with one another, watch a movie together or even just talk.
- Make a plan for regular visits. This doesn’t mean breaking the bank to visit every weekend, but setting up an agreement that each of you will periodically visit each other can provide a goal to look forward to while you are apart. You could even set up a bank account where you each contribute a certain amount of money a week to save for visits.
- Send letters. While the Internet has made it easy to e-mail messages and cell phones allow for quick texts, nothing beats getting something in the mail that someone has put effort into sending. Love letters are classic romance. Send a care package once a month to one another that contains things like perfume, homemade cards, favorite foods and mix CDs.